1982-83: THE ELEVENTH SEASON

Year-End Rating: 22.6 (3rd place)

With the show's research and story sources completely exhausted after eleven years--and most of the cast restless to move on--the long-running series calls it quits in one final season that culminates in the most highly anticipated TV program of all time: the last episode of M*A*S*H.

236 Hey, Look Me Over    First Aired: October 25, 1982
Writer: Alan Alda
Director: Susan Oliver
Guest Stars: Kellye Nakahara, Peggy Feury, Perry Lang, Deborah Harmon

Hawkeye watches Nurse Kellye brighten a wounded GI's final moments and comes

to appreciate the nurses' vital contribution to the healing process.

Kellye Nakahara had played Nurse Kellye since the very first year, when she signed on as a background extra and never left.

The show kept a regular crew of actresses on the payroll to play the various nurses who staffed the operating room from week to week--and each got a crash course in actual triage and O.R. techniques on their first day of shooting. Less obvious is the company of recurring actors who played background GIs or wounded soldiers--and sometimes both. More than one battlefield casualty reappears miraculously in the mess tent in a later episode--a hungry Lazarus, courtesy of the Screen Actors Guild.

237 Trick or Treatment    First Aired: November 1, 1982
Writer: Dennis Koenig
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: George Wendt, Richard Lineback, Andrew Clay, James Lough

The 4077th Halloween party hosts an unexpected guest after Father Mulcahy works an apparent miracle during the reading of a soldier's last rites.

George Wendt already seems typecast as a drunken reveler--the rotund actor had just been cast to occupy a regular barstool at Sam's place on NBC's Cheers.

238 Foreign Affairs    First Aired: November 8, 1982
Writers: David Pollack, Elias Davis
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Melinda Mullins, Jeffrey Tambor, Soon Teck Oh, Byron Chung

The Army tries to get a North Korean pilot to defect; and Charles gets a rude shock when he falls for a French nurse with an unacceptable past.

239 The Joker Is Wild    First Aired: November 15, 1982
Writers: John Rappaport, Dennis Koenig
Director: Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Clyde Kusatsu, David Haid

Hawkeye's guard is up when B.J. threatens to pull off the most elaborate practical joke in the compound's history.

240 Who Knew?    First Aired: November 22, 1982
Writers: David Pollack, Elias Davis
Director: Harry Morgan
Guest Stars: Kellye Nakahara, Enid Kent

Hawkeye volunteers to deliver the eulogy for a dead nurse and belatedly discovers her deep feelings for him.

The surgeon had dallied with the nurse on a few harmless evenings but never considered that her attraction for him might be serious. His eulogy, colored by this guilt, makes for the strangest farewell of the entire season: The feminist Hawkeye bids adieu to the womanizing cad that was once Hawkeye Pierce.

241 Bombshells    First Aired: November 29, 1982
Writers: Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Gerald O'Laughlin, Allen Williams, Stu Charno

Charles and Hawkeye start a rumor that Marilyn Monroe plans to visit the 4077th; and B.J. feels responsible when he's unable to rescue a wounded soldier.

242 Settling Debts    First Aired: December 6, 1982
Writers: Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford
Director: Mike Switzer
Guest Stars: Guy Boyd, Jeff East

Hawkeye and the crew surprise Colonel Potter with a party to commemorate Mildred's final payment on the couple's mortgage.

243 The Moon Is Not Blue    First Aired: December 13, 1982
Writer: Larry Balmagia
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Hamilton Camp, Sandy Helberg, Jan Jorden

With the camp facing prohibition and a severe medical-supply shortage during another heat wave, Hawkeye resolves to lift morale by importing a racy new movie.

244 Run for the Money    First Aired: December 20, 1982
Writers: Mike Farrell, David Pollack, Elias Davis
Director: Nell Cox
Guest Stars: Thomas Calloway, Mark Anderson, Phil Brock, William Schilling, Robert Alan Browne

When an Olympic runner assigned to the 4077th fails to materialize, Father Mulcahy must save the camp's honor in a high-stakes footrace against the 8063rd.

245 U.N. the Night and the Music    First Aired: January 3, 1983
Writers: David Pollack, Elias Davis
Director: Harry Morgan
Guest Stars: George Innes, Kavi Raz, Dennis Holahan, David Packer

A United Nations delegation--a Swede, a Hindu, and a British officer--tours the 4077th, and each leaves a lasting effect on the men and women of the camp.

The show's reputation for seamlessly blending comedy and drama began to suffer as the years advanced. Here, B.J.'s dramatic decision to amputate a young GI's leg--all dark lighting and slow, ponderous line readings--is awkwardly juxtaposed with a ludicrous slapstick sequence where Colonel Potter learns to stand on his head.

The onscreen sparks shared by Margaret and her handsome Swede ignited an offscreen romance that eventually led to the marriage of Loretta Swit and actor Dennis Holahan.

246 Strange Bedfellows    First Aired: January 10, 1983
Writer: Mike Farrell
Director: Karen L. Hall
Guest Stars: Dennis Dugan, Benjamin F. Wilson

The 4077th faces a sleepless night as Charles's snoring keeps B.J. and Hawkeye from counting sheep; and Colonel Potter discovers that his son-in-law has had an affair.

247 Say No More    First Aired: January 24, 1983
Writer: John Rappaport
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: John Anderson, Michael Horton, Chip Johnson, James Karen

A military strategist refuses to accept responsibility for the war games that have mortally wounded his own son; and Margaret develops laryngitis.

248 Friends and Enemies    First Aired: February 7, 1983
Writer: Karen L. Hall
Director: Jamie Farr
Guest Star: John McLiam

Colonel Potter must decide whether to blow the whistle on an old Army chum whose military follies are costing boys their lives.

249 Give and Take    First Aired: February 14, 1983
Writer: Dennis Koenig
Director: Charles S. Dubin
Guest Stars: Craig Wasson, G.W. Bailey, Derek Wong

A wounded GI learns a painful lesson when he forms a recovery-room friendship with the enemy soldier he's critically wounded.

250 As Time Goes By    First Aired: February 21, 1983
Writers: Dan Wilcox, Thad Mumford
Director: Burt Metcalfe
Guest Stars: Rosalind Chao, G.W. Bailey, Michael Swan, Mark Herrier, Jeff Maxwell

Hawkeye and Margaret encapsulate the breadth of their wartime experience when they bury souvenirs as a reminder for future generations.

Actually the last episode filmed, "As Time Goes By" offers an economical alternative to the unwieldy behemoth that eventually closed the series the following week. Margaret briefly, almost nostalgically, re-emerges as the spitfire patriot who "sees the world through khaki-colored glasses," and Hawkeye goes out, as always, the cynical romantic. The pair bury their memories along with the hatchet in a classic episode that strikes a near-perfect balance of sentiment, statement, and smiles.

251 Good-Bye, Farewell and Amen (2 1/2-hour special)    First Aired: February 28, 1983
Writers: Alan Alda, Burt Metcalfe, John Rappaport, Thad Mumford, Dan Wilcox, David Pollack, Elias Davis, Karen L. Hall
Director: Alan Alda
Guest Stars: Allan Arbus, Rosalind Chao, G.W. Bailey, Shari Saba, Jeff Maxwell, Gwen Farrell, Kellye Nakahara, Roy Goldman

The men and women of M*A*S*H discover that a peace treaty doesn't vanquish the horrors of war overnight. Hawkeye suffers a nervous breakdown when he tries to suppress memories of a heinous atrocity; and Charles teaches a group of Chinese prisoners to play a Mozart quintet, only to see them killed in the last gasp of fighting.

At last, the armistice is signed, and the weary medics regroup for final farewells as they face their inevitable futures. Klinger makes plans to stay in Korea with his native bride; Charles returns to Boston as he bids Margaret adieu with a book of Browning and a kiss; and Hawkeye and B.J. deliver their first--and only--full military salute to Colonel Potter before each embarks on his own private journey back to a blessed sanity.

Larry Gelbart envisioned a different scenario for the final episode. In the Los Angeles Times, he described what he saw as the only logical conclusion to so many seasons of televised war: "I wanted the camera to pull back and back and back, and I wanted to hear a director say, 'Cut,' and see the cast embrace and say good-bye." Then, Alan Alda would turn, face the camera, and say directly to the audience:

No matter how we tried, we could give you only an idea of what it was like. The blood was a pale imitation. This is only a show. War is not this manageable . . . or this entertaining.

Not surprisingly, that ending was never even considered.